surprise

I'm going to visit him.

nonstop listening to "testing the strong ones" by copeland.


Love. Love. Love.
Ana

it was your heart on the line

I don't have a job anymore. Not a tragedy. A blessing. Corporate America was not built for this girl.



I'm hoping I'll be able to make money off writing. Or singing. Something artistic.
When I'm feeling bad, I shower in Magnifique by Lancome. My mom wears it. And home is whenever I'm with her. I feel better.



The flower shop was home. It was everything. She was made to be surrounded by huge flowers in bright colors. Washburn's in Uptown Normal always cheers me up on a sad day- it smells like our shop.

"I met a girl, she kept tattoos for homes that she had lost. If I were her, I'd paint my body till all my skin was gone."

I want to be whole. Sometimes I feel like I'm on my way. Fashion and music and writing and my friends can make me be okay. (not real. nothing real, nothing solid- I live in ideals)

Been re-discovering ee cummings. Been re-discovering Miss Sylvia Plath (marriage doesn't suit me either, dear.)


I met a boy- a man, really. He really gets to me. It's still new and exciting, still in the beginning stages, but I really am holding onto hope.

I went to a funeral for a friend on Saturday. I was so glad for everyone there. I wished that one of us had showed how much we loved him before Wednesday.
It made me need to love everyone more, deeper, more fully, harder.

(You'd be surprised at the things I write and delete)


In darkness, hope. I hope.

Color me obsessed with Rachel Zoe, Bon Iver, The bird & the bee, Mumford & Sons, Death Cab for Cutie, Zooey Deschanel, Jemina Pearl.

Love. Love. Love. on everyone around you.
xx Ana

an explanation.

I'm not sure I can even begin to defend anything. I'm not sure I should.

Stories are twisted. A tangled web we weave. (please let things go back to normal)

If they don't- I'm out.


The one time a girl needs her best friend, she's fallen into the easy life- the believe everyone else life. I'm sorry, Em. You deserve better.

"Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone. Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home"

That text blew me away- I never liked you. YOu were never enough. You were never the one.

(as if I needed to see it in writing to make my gut feeling real- as if it wasn't enough to know in my heart I couldn't go back to when i WAS enough.)



I mean, things are on their way up, right?
The worst blizzard of all time has hit central Illinois. No work today. No work tomorrow.

Concentrating on real things.
Reading.

(My heart is missing. There's a hole. Empty.)


Ana.