on building a better me for all the wrong reasons.

You came in with the quickness.
Your mission was confusing & conflicting.
Constructing & deconstructing simultaneously isn't as hard as it seems.
(where one thingends another must begin?)



shooting stars, windfarms, etc.
3 stoplights seem eternal.

My spine hurts. At least I have one these days.



Can't sleep, can't breathe correctly. Up in 7 or so hours for my real job.

Can I make money writing? Can I build myself up this way? Can I mend things?

Who can? He heals me.



I can't say anything I haven't said already. Words have been used too much.

Love, Ana.

be kind, please let me rewind.

How perfect that the last post took place just before one of the most monumental weekends of my life.

I got a second tattoo on April 9, 2010.
Someone special was in town that weekend. He met my family and made me believe in things like true love again.



Since then, I've learned otherwise.
I've got a hold on new things nowadays. My lease is up in 2 months. Where should I be next?Who's calling me where?



Oh. I only like far things now. I only like things I can't get attached to. I'm working on it. What am I supposed to be working on?
Work. Work. Work.
I have no voice. My job is talk at people.

I've got a favorite things. I've got a lot of them. I was a homewrecker. It didn't matter in the long run. (the goodthings never will)

How can I read other words? Nothing can make sense like that.

A little much tonight.


Listening to: (only) Bad City. Regina Spektor. Taylor Swift. Lil Wayne. (deafening silence.)

All we need is to be patient and be kind. (Thanks, Camille)


Ana.

all i can say

I'm getting judged in the morning.

A Fine Frenzy.

Oh, don't you worry. I haven't forgotten you. I'm still hiding behind depth. Behind stark reality.

I've got a day and a reason and absence makes the heart grow fonder and all of that.

I've been thinking too much and too clearly. And I'm not even mad. And that's a rare, beautiful thing.

You've got a plan. I've got my dreams.

We'll make it.

It's really time to quit messing around. Time to get serious.

School next semester.

Florida in 1.5 years. Please say you'll make that move with me.

I'm over run with silly things.

It's your life.

My baby sister turns 18 tomorrow. How does THAT even happen? Pretty sure yesterday we were playing house in a fort that our mom built us.

Actually, that probably was yesterday.

Tell me that this is not the way.

I'll believe you.

God has too big of a plan for me to be worried anymore.

Love, Ana.

do you get the picture? I am of the dangerous kind.

That party last night was awfully crazy, I wish we'd have taped it.

If I could just replay in a loop everything you said last night, maybe it'd break down the bricks.

Or at least clear the fog for a glimpse at a clear sky.

I found a couple new ways to look at things. I'm glad for that.

I've procured a pair of purple and white Toms, from my best friend Danah.

Don't hold onto this for too long- someone might find it.

Maybe someday, I'll look back and this will be a dream. Or at least better than it seems presently. I just have to believe in that.

My tax refund is over 700$. Thank you Lord.

This is me spelling it out for you.

Whether or not I wanted to, it had to happen.

Boldness was on my side last night.

I'm getting the hang of this. I'll fall quickly this time, I'll take my chances this time. I'll let it happen this time.

I'm covering this up.

Now I see who you are.

I'm hoping for a clear sign.

I can't wait for April 18th.

Love, Ana.

I fell behind.

I'm truly sorry for the delay.

Eight months later and a lot has changed.

I've been through two apartments.

Got a car.

Been through three jobs.

I keep coming up with the craziest schemes. I keep disregarding the past. I keep growing up and moving on and leaving things behind. I can't say I'm upset.

I'm volatile.

I went to a protest. And took black and white photographs of old people against the government controlling their health care.

I took photographs of children, there against their will.

I am wondering currently. Where could Heaven be? Certainly not on Earth. Not with the current tumult we're all feeling.

And where is Hell? Certainly closer than we're all thinking.

Both are equal distances, I think. They're balancing each other out; it could be a lot worse, you know.

I think I'm going to Seattle next month.

For a short repose.

To clear my head. The beginning of April will hold a lot of good things.

It's like, a year later. The storm's clearing. And even if things aren't as good as I believe they could be, I'm learning. I'm a grown girl now.

I promise to keep writing.

I've been listening to: Tiesto, Cold War Kids, Good Old War, Be Your Own Pet, NeverShoutNever, Carter Hulsey, Kim Gnagey, etc.

love, Arianna.